When I first started this blog, I knew the idea wasn’t novel. There are so many mommy bloggers out there. I just wanted it to be a place to share ideas and feelings about this season of life. Then life took over and I haven’t written a post in a YEAR. It’s really amazing how long the nights feel with children, then you blink and they are grown up. Honestly, time moves both quick and slow. I’m still trying to understand how it’s even possible.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on the kind of mother I am. I love my children so much, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed with the lack of time for myself. See, my husband is an actuary and he has nine exams that he has to take and they occur every six months. Each exam requires approximately 500 study hours to potentially secure a passing grade. It’s intense. Well, that’s an understatement. More than anything, it’s motivating.
Watching him work toward this goal, makes me realize my own goals. At the moment, I feel like I have to press the “pause” button. My stuff isn’t pushed aside, but our time has to be meticulously planned out in order to fit everything in. Sometimes, I don’t plan accordingly and that leaves me wanting. It’s my own fault really. I’m a planner by nature, but when the week ends and I need to figure out what I want to get accomplished over the weekend, I sometimes don’t even know where to begin. That usually leaves me wanting, but I don’t always know for what. Does that make sense? Do I want to meditate, take a nap, work on my business ideas or just get a massage? Decisions, decisions.
All I know, is that my kids are growing up too fast and I’m afraid that I’m not “in the moment” enough. I’m always thinking about something else. I read a quote recently: “The chores will always be there, childhood will not.” That really struck a chord with me. I don’t take this time for granted, but it’s hard some days. More than anything, I just want to be there for my family, but I want to nurture myself, too. I’m still learning and I know I’m not the only one. You get it. Moms get it. Thanks for letting me vent.